1. I think I should bring a can of Easy Cheese with me next time I go up for communion. Spray a little cheese on my communion wafer. I wonder if the priest would immediately douse me with holy water.
2. I love how the McDonald's dollar menu has been resisting the forces of inflation going on a good decade. We should really think about putting Ronald McDonald in charge of the Fed, has to be better than Turbo Tax Timmy.
3. Why are guys who come on The Maury Povich show to see if "they are the father"...always bringing their mommy along with them?
4. Why do I think the reason "The Count" on Sesame street is obsessed with counting is because he has been alive for so so long? He is probably marking the days like a depressed prisoner.
5. Girl Scouts and Cookie Monster...a product commercial made in heaven. Way to miss that one Mad Men
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Daily Zen
Somewhere a PETA member is trying to work up some outrage.
So is this what a dog who loves hanging his head out of the car window dreams about? The dog in this picture is so relexed he looks like he is trying to see if there is a bird he can chase on the way down. Of course they tried to do this with a cat...Once.
Via
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Or Sins Forgiven, but at a Price!
Tatar Sauce - Jesus brand of "special sauce"
I won't even delve into the fact that the FoF contains multiple kinds of fish(not a good sign), or that they have to keep shifting the kind of fish they use because of overfishing(that's right, the FoF/catholic church, is destroying the environment!). It doesn't matter what kind of fish they use...they will just fry it up enough so you can't taste it. It's the other facets of the FoF that make it disturbing.
Cheese on a fish? It's been awhile since I was in a biology course, but I'm pretty sure cows live on land, and fish live in the sea. They were never meant to meet! You know something is wrong when the cheese is on the bottom of the of the sand which, it's a tact id admission that it doesn't belong on the sand which...cheese should never be a second class topping! They even only give you 1/2 a piece, which just makes it a show piece to make you think it will taste like any other sand which, but then you taste it....and it's too late.
I really need to start trying to convert people to my Friday Lent practice of having lamb(I love Greek food)...I go with the justification that Jesus was the lamb of God. See St. Peter mess with that logic when I'm standing at the pearly gates!
Aside: Notice how McDonalds has a mascot for all their food choices BUT the fillet-o-fish? McDonalds even knows it's bad.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Things I think I think: March 2, 2010
1. We have the SAP feature on televisions for those that speak espanol, and closed captioning for the hearing impaired. But what we really need is a button to push so that the plot twists in movies and tv shows can be explained to those not so swift on the uptake...spare the rest of us from having to explain everything.
2. I've had one cup of coffee in my life, but I've found something else that will wake you up even better in the morning. I'll leave my contact case on the window sill overnight during the winter(aka 70 percent of the year). Put those puppies in...your awake. Brisk.
3. The Democrats are starting to remind me of the Simpson's with their insistence on continuing with this health care bill. They figure if they say "Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore" enough times that Homer and Marge(The American People) will just give in to shut them up
4. With the bevy of babes that James Bond has bedded, and the fact that I've never seen Q issue him any protection, I would expect that we were due a father/son Bond movie. Then I had the thought that the double O in 007 probably meant they had him fixed...snipped the boys right off and replaced them with something Q thought up....case solved.
5. I honestly think the preacher of the church down the street needs to set up a twitter account. He always has something "colorful" on the billboard out in front of the church. The latest is "Repent, Toyota isn't the only Maker that can issue a recall". I should stop in one time to experience a fire and brimstone service heh.
2. I've had one cup of coffee in my life, but I've found something else that will wake you up even better in the morning. I'll leave my contact case on the window sill overnight during the winter(aka 70 percent of the year). Put those puppies in...your awake. Brisk.
3. The Democrats are starting to remind me of the Simpson's with their insistence on continuing with this health care bill. They figure if they say "Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore" enough times that Homer and Marge(The American People) will just give in to shut them up
4. With the bevy of babes that James Bond has bedded, and the fact that I've never seen Q issue him any protection, I would expect that we were due a father/son Bond movie. Then I had the thought that the double O in 007 probably meant they had him fixed...snipped the boys right off and replaced them with something Q thought up....case solved.
5. I honestly think the preacher of the church down the street needs to set up a twitter account. He always has something "colorful" on the billboard out in front of the church. The latest is "Repent, Toyota isn't the only Maker that can issue a recall". I should stop in one time to experience a fire and brimstone service heh.
Don't Trust the Letter Y!
The letter Y, brought to you by evil Bert
Isn't the letter Y the most insidious letter? It just sits there at the end of the alphabet, not at the end where it might draw attention to its self, but far enough so it's still laying in the weeds. First it wants to be either a vowel or a consonant...never wants to be pinned down by a definition. Then it attached it's self to every word that by their very definition bring about feelings of happiness and an instinctual protectiveness(mommy, daddy, baby, puppy). See? Y is such a good and pure letter!
Once it had embedded its self in our cultural consciousness...it started to show it's true colors. At first it just spread its influence through the word whY. Why...always questioning authority. Then over the last couple decades the letter Y has been systematically replacing the letter i in common names(Megyn, Melyssa, Bryan...etc) All these people have been been marked by the evil letter....they can not be trusted! Think I'm crazy? What does the letter Y look like? That's right, a little i with horns on it...and if I remember my Indiana Jones correctly Jehovah(God) starts with an i in Latin! Y is trying to replace God!
That was fun heh.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
FBI Watch-List Candidate Right Here.
So once again I'm flipping through google images, this time under the search "pencil shavings" for an idea on another post. I come across this.
After getting over my incitial shock and awe I had to ask...
a) What kind of messed up mind comes up with this? I'm impressed.
b) I can't but wonder what the over/under is on the time someone would get a call from their childs school if they put this in their backpack.
via Gizmodo
Tim Burton just had a "special moment" looking at this pic.
After getting over my incitial shock and awe I had to ask...
a) What kind of messed up mind comes up with this? I'm impressed.
b) I can't but wonder what the over/under is on the time someone would get a call from their childs school if they put this in their backpack.
via Gizmodo
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Your the Best!
While Mr. Miagi taught young men and women the fine art of Karate...Mrs. Miagi followed a different path into the seedy underworld of high stakes drinking competitions where she groomed the very best!
Cue 80's style training montage of drinking exercises: beer after liquor, one handed keg stands, Long Island Ice Teas....none of that wax on wax off, fix my house up from dawn to dusk in contravention of child labor laws shite. No Mrs. Miagi has her pupils working in her bar like it's a sweat shop. Which all leads up to Marion's climatic show down against an ex-president of the Alpha Beta fraternity.
Marion almost doesn't make it, but Mrs. Miagi slips her some herbal stimulants on the down low and she holds it together just long enough to drink the Alpha Beta under the table. Then she passes out....and Mrs. Miagi steals her winnings from her unconcious hand...the end.
"Very good Marion-san!"
Cue 80's style training montage of drinking exercises: beer after liquor, one handed keg stands, Long Island Ice Teas....none of that wax on wax off, fix my house up from dawn to dusk in contravention of child labor laws shite. No Mrs. Miagi has her pupils working in her bar like it's a sweat shop. Which all leads up to Marion's climatic show down against an ex-president of the Alpha Beta fraternity.
Whats the drinking equivilent of "sweep the leg"?
Marion almost doesn't make it, but Mrs. Miagi slips her some herbal stimulants on the down low and she holds it together just long enough to drink the Alpha Beta under the table. Then she passes out....and Mrs. Miagi steals her winnings from her unconcious hand...the end.
Foodnetwork + Reality = Must See TV
We've all seen the multitude of cooking shows out there. What do they all have in common? Perfection.
You know what makes good TV? Chaos! I don't want to see another show with a pristine kitchen stocked with every conceivable appliance and tool.
I want to see someone cook with 3 screaming kids running around the kitchen fighting while the dogs dance around the cooks feet waiting for scraps to fall. I want to see the cook try to mix something up while holding a crying baby in one hand, the phone held to her ear with a hunched shoulder, while another kid is playing with the knifes that are stacked in the open washing machine.
I want to see the cook find out they don't have the right utensil/tool or better yet, find out their spouse didn't rinse off the dishes before putting them in the washing machine and the thing they need NOW isn't clean. Then just as they figure that out...they find out that they are missing an essential ingredient(or it's gone bad in the fridge)...as they are about to lose it because two of the kids are yelling and trying to pull out each other's hair...and the slow one is painting the walls with their soiled diaper, the guy from Iron Chef comes staggering from off screen dressed in an outfit that consists of a flannel shirt and sweats that look like they have been slept in for days to rummage through the fridge to find and announce the "secret ingredient" of the day.
The show should just keep going from there. Kids whining when dinner is going to be done, the oven not cooking evenly, the different courses not being done at the same time, and the cooks spouse being late coming home from work.
Top the show off by having the family sit down for dinner, the cook(host) puts on a chipper face and says how easy it was to the audience, and then have the cooks spouse saying the meal didn't taste good....cue look of death from cook....fade out to police sirens and the COPS logo.
These two are one water spotted dish away from losing their cool.
You know what makes good TV? Chaos! I don't want to see another show with a pristine kitchen stocked with every conceivable appliance and tool.
I want to see someone cook with 3 screaming kids running around the kitchen fighting while the dogs dance around the cooks feet waiting for scraps to fall. I want to see the cook try to mix something up while holding a crying baby in one hand, the phone held to her ear with a hunched shoulder, while another kid is playing with the knifes that are stacked in the open washing machine.
I want to see the cook find out they don't have the right utensil/tool or better yet, find out their spouse didn't rinse off the dishes before putting them in the washing machine and the thing they need NOW isn't clean. Then just as they figure that out...they find out that they are missing an essential ingredient(or it's gone bad in the fridge)...as they are about to lose it because two of the kids are yelling and trying to pull out each other's hair...and the slow one is painting the walls with their soiled diaper, the guy from Iron Chef comes staggering from off screen dressed in an outfit that consists of a flannel shirt and sweats that look like they have been slept in for days to rummage through the fridge to find and announce the "secret ingredient" of the day.
Chairman Kaga says the secret ingredient is Hummus!
The show should just keep going from there. Kids whining when dinner is going to be done, the oven not cooking evenly, the different courses not being done at the same time, and the cooks spouse being late coming home from work.
Top the show off by having the family sit down for dinner, the cook(host) puts on a chipper face and says how easy it was to the audience, and then have the cooks spouse saying the meal didn't taste good....cue look of death from cook....fade out to police sirens and the COPS logo.
All Hail our Superior Leaders!
The same moonbat politicians that can't understand the basic supply and demand prinicples of economics...who just think they can write a new law or two to make the economy dance and do what they want(where they pick the winners and losers)...who think they can take a dollar from you, wash it through the government bearcracy, and then spend it and magically it has a stimulative effect. Are the same one's who think they can control the weather and the rest of the forces of nature. Seems to me that only one person has managed that, and he had help.
Obama did promise to lower ocean levels in his first term
If global warming is happening, maybe we should let it. Has anyone ever looked at a map and realized that if it actually warmed up(my feet are frozen at this moment) we would gain all of the land mass in northern Canada and Russia to grow food? Global warming people are obviously in the "glass half empty" camp...maybe we should start another cold war with someone just so they have something real to worry about. Soon as they lost the threat of nuclear war to worry about...this whole global warming farce popped up.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Links of Interest: I could put it down there!
Links brought to you by: Your melting heart.
I'm an oddity in that I preffer to land on a grass strip instead of the paved runway right next to it, but even I have quams about landing on a sand runway that depends on the tide! The World's 18 Strangest Airports
My father only put us through maybe 20% of these(site mild NSFW). Stupid Parents
Nice video of a C-130 refueling a couple hornets. They lowered the Herc's ramp and took the cameraman out. Hornets look close enough to clean the windows! Refueling Over Iraq via Neptunus Lex
The winter olympics event we could only dream off! Deadly Skiing commercial
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Things I think I think: February 24, 2010
1. I'm going to have to stop using Bing as my search engine because the daily pictures they put up is exponentially increasing the places I need to visit in person.
2. If Al Gore wanted me to really believe that the oceans were going to rise 20 or so feet like he says in his documentry...he wouldn't have bought a waterfront condo last year in San Fransico.
3. Olympic Skaters throwing around their pixie sized partners is high art. But if I toss one dwarf I'm a bad guy?
4. Why does Disney's Epcot center look like the evil layer of every Bond villan? What did Walt Disney have planed before his untimely death?
5. Come on, where is the "Snow Ball Fight" event in the winter olympics?
2. If Al Gore wanted me to really believe that the oceans were going to rise 20 or so feet like he says in his documentry...he wouldn't have bought a waterfront condo last year in San Fransico.
3. Olympic Skaters throwing around their pixie sized partners is high art. But if I toss one dwarf I'm a bad guy?
4. Why does Disney's Epcot center look like the evil layer of every Bond villan? What did Walt Disney have planed before his untimely death?
5. Come on, where is the "Snow Ball Fight" event in the winter olympics?
Monday, February 22, 2010
I'm not a God, but I play one at work.
Saw this pic on reddit awhile ago with the headline "Where is your god now?". Apparently all it takes to posses god like powers in the eyes of the masses is a basic education in engineering. I mean raise your hand if the first thing you ran through your mind when you saw this picture was not amazement, or "that's photo-shopped"...but to do a simple force diagram in your head and shrug.
I guess engineering is indistinguishable from magic to most liberal arts majors...I should probably use this to my advantage and just start doing engineering parlor tricks to draw in the apostles. All Jesus did was have a never ending basket of fish...I can make shite levitate!
In all seriousness I should probably sub for a grade school class and spend the day teaching kids tricks like this and tell them to go home and show mommy and daddy. Then just sit back and watch the calls come rolling into the school that I'm teaching their children witchcraft heh.
Engineers can do this with their mind!
I guess engineering is indistinguishable from magic to most liberal arts majors...I should probably use this to my advantage and just start doing engineering parlor tricks to draw in the apostles. All Jesus did was have a never ending basket of fish...I can make shite levitate!
In all seriousness I should probably sub for a grade school class and spend the day teaching kids tricks like this and tell them to go home and show mommy and daddy. Then just sit back and watch the calls come rolling into the school that I'm teaching their children witchcraft heh.
Procrastination
I've got writers block. Sitting on 65 drafts...at least 10 I should probably publish but just are not worded right. So this video is apt. The whole thing feels like it would fit right in with an adult version of Sesame Street.
Procrastination from Johnny Kelly on Vimeo.
video via
Procrastination from Johnny Kelly on Vimeo.
video via
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Lets Make a Deal
As an interested member of the hetrosexual community I would like to propose the following trade with my counterparts in the homosexual community.
We get to reclaim Ellen Degeneres and Queen Latifah, and in exchange you can have Angelina Jolie and a player to be named later.
For the "player to be named later"...if you took Megan Fox off our hands it would be greatly appreciated. We could even toss in Jennifer Aniston if you took Fox off our hands. Aniston and Jolie on the same team...I think every gossip mag on the planet would explode at the thought.
New Hotness(s)
We get to reclaim Ellen Degeneres and Queen Latifah, and in exchange you can have Angelina Jolie and a player to be named later.
"Old and Busted"
For the "player to be named later"...if you took Megan Fox off our hands it would be greatly appreciated. We could even toss in Jennifer Aniston if you took Fox off our hands. Aniston and Jolie on the same team...I think every gossip mag on the planet would explode at the thought.
F*ck the Boogieman
The Boogieman, the monsters trading off hiding under kids beds and closets, ghosts...All those can take a back seat to this guy in terms of scaring the crap out of me as a kid.
The Black Hole was during Disney's "dark period". There were no cute fast food tie-ins, no happy songs, just a quest to mess with kids minds....fricken sweet. Between the BH, The Black Cauldron, The Secret of NIMH, and Water Ship Down...it's a surprise every one in my generation isn't in therapy.
My god The Black Hole ended up with Maximilian presiding over a vision of hell that looks like it's right out of a Bosch painting. Disney...Kids....Hell....yeah.
Now Disney is jumping on the "re-imagining" bandwagon and is doing a remake of The Black Hole. Do not mess with my childhood memories(nightmares)! I just can't wait to see how they mess up Maximilian, and the great music...bah. Maximilian needs to make a call to some studio heads in the middle of the night like the ghost of Christmas future.
Maximilian refuses to be "re-imagined"
Hell, he still gives me the creeps. If I were to run into this guy in the dark with that disturbing red eye of his I would probably have a Depends worthy moment. If you weren't blessed with Maximilian inspired nightmares as a kid, then obviously you never saw The Black Hole.
My god The Black Hole ended up with Maximilian presiding over a vision of hell that looks like it's right out of a Bosch painting. Disney...Kids....Hell....yeah.
Now Disney is jumping on the "re-imagining" bandwagon and is doing a remake of The Black Hole. Do not mess with my childhood memories(nightmares)! I just can't wait to see how they mess up Maximilian, and the great music...bah. Maximilian needs to make a call to some studio heads in the middle of the night like the ghost of Christmas future.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Links: Brought to you by my crazy brother volunteering for flight deck duty.
Flight ops off the Philippines
Saw that The Shattner was going to be doing a TV show based on a Twitter feed, so I had to check it out. I hope I'm this cool when I'm old! Shitmydadsays
After honing myskills online, next family game is going to be cutthroat! Blokus
Nice photo essay of the Iwo Jima battle. I was hating on the flyboys at the begining...and that was when they showed the results of a bonzai charge on the airfield. Iwo Jima
Acid Cat: Been making the rounds the last two days, but I haven't seen anyone ask why the cat(aka killing machine) isn't hunting anything in it's acid trip! I mean there are turkeys, fish, even little chicks...no cat can pass that up! Friskies...when you need a hit.
Things I think I think: February 20, 2010
Apparently Disney characters(I'm looking at you Donald) are the paragon of mental health!
1. This picture just had to be the basis of someones senior thesis.
2. Someone needs to dress up as Pepe Le Pew and follow Tiger Woods from hole to hole. Come on Late Night...make this happen.
3. Honestly where are Bugs Bunny and Tweety Bird in the above graphic? Tweety Bird obviously has the psychological make-up of a serial killer, and Bugs Bunny...well he's just a dick.
4. Had Hudson out for a walk today. We come to some plowed up snow that reaches over my head...Hudson decides to climb it and then decides to leave a little present right there at the very top. So I had the surreal moment of waving at a gawking passing car as my dog made himself "king of the mountain" for all the world to see....and no...I wasn't climbing up there to pick it up. Couldn't take that away from him heh.
5. It's late Friday night and I've been studying for an exam all night...about the only thing that convinces me that this isn't some terrible nightmare were I've traveled back in time is the heating pad on my achy back...that never happened in my 20's.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Best of Breed?
Time for the Westminster Kennel Club Dog show to come on again...yawn. Hours and hours of dogs running counter clockwise once...then dumping up on the examining table to be probed....then run clockwise once more.
This is how we pick the "Best of Breed" of each dog? Because the only requirements seem to be maintaining your posture and dignity as some strange human picks at your parts. I'm actually surprised that they don't make the dogs prance around with books balanced on their heads finishing school style!
Does your dog have a talent?....judges don't care. Are you a retriever breed that could care less about actually retrieving?...no?...are your haunches tight?...good enough. They had a dog actually relieve itself in the judging area a few years ago...that's right, it wasn't even housebroken.
If dog show judges got a hold of the Ms. USA pageant, they would dispense with all the talent and questioning. Just divide up all the contestants into groups they could judge(eastern, Midwest, southern, ethnic, and valley girl) and then have them stand mute as they measured them with calipers!
It's time to have an insurgent style dog show. I want a talent show, have the organizers seen "stupid pet tricks" all these years? Have a costume review so the dogs can sparkle a bit. Finally I want to see the dogs do what the announcers at the Westminster say their breed is bred to do. Your a rat dog...catch a rodent...Herder...do it...working breed...pull a sled. How can you be a "Best of Breed" if you can't actually do what you were bred to do?
I know this probably sounds nit picky...but the reason people love dogs is that they have personalty...quirks. I don't see any of that in this stale dog show.
The one on the left? Feed him coal and he will shite diamonds. The one on the right? We need to party!
This is how we pick the "Best of Breed" of each dog? Because the only requirements seem to be maintaining your posture and dignity as some strange human picks at your parts. I'm actually surprised that they don't make the dogs prance around with books balanced on their heads finishing school style!
Does your dog have a talent?....judges don't care. Are you a retriever breed that could care less about actually retrieving?...no?...are your haunches tight?...good enough. They had a dog actually relieve itself in the judging area a few years ago...that's right, it wasn't even housebroken.
If dog show judges got a hold of the Ms. USA pageant, they would dispense with all the talent and questioning. Just divide up all the contestants into groups they could judge(eastern, Midwest, southern, ethnic, and valley girl) and then have them stand mute as they measured them with calipers!
It's time to have an insurgent style dog show. I want a talent show, have the organizers seen "stupid pet tricks" all these years? Have a costume review so the dogs can sparkle a bit. Finally I want to see the dogs do what the announcers at the Westminster say their breed is bred to do. Your a rat dog...catch a rodent...Herder...do it...working breed...pull a sled. How can you be a "Best of Breed" if you can't actually do what you were bred to do?
I know this probably sounds nit picky...but the reason people love dogs is that they have personalty...quirks. I don't see any of that in this stale dog show.
Things I think I think: February 19, 2010
1. Has anyone actually seen Sesame Street lately? Boy has it become racist...or maybe I just notice it now. Every adult that lives on Sesame Street is of some ethnic decent...ok, not unusual. But every time they bring in someone to teach the kids about something(musicians, actors, scientists, artists), they always seem to be white. Yeah Michael Obama got to come on(once her husband became leader of the free world!) and she told kids....to eat their vegetables. What kind of message does that send the kids?
2. I honestly think there is some crazy conservative/tea partier out there practicing Voodoo from the way that democrats are dropping out and losing races left and right...hell as I wrote this Sen. Lautenburg(D-New Jersey) fell down some stairs, and caught himself some cancer.
3. Do you think we could get gang members to cut down on the gang hand signs if we just start putting a meme out there that equates them to a Star Trek geek throwing up a "Spock"?
4. Why do all races(NASCAR, track and field, skating, horse/dog racing...etc) go around the track counter clockwise? Do they think they are going faster metaphorically because they are actually racing against the clock?
5. Why do I think that if I say Snookie, Snookie, Snookie out loud like saying Beetlejuice three times, bad things will happen?
2. I honestly think there is some crazy conservative/tea partier out there practicing Voodoo from the way that democrats are dropping out and losing races left and right...hell as I wrote this Sen. Lautenburg(D-New Jersey) fell down some stairs, and caught himself some cancer.
3. Do you think we could get gang members to cut down on the gang hand signs if we just start putting a meme out there that equates them to a Star Trek geek throwing up a "Spock"?
4. Why do all races(NASCAR, track and field, skating, horse/dog racing...etc) go around the track counter clockwise? Do they think they are going faster metaphorically because they are actually racing against the clock?
5. Why do I think that if I say Snookie, Snookie, Snookie out loud like saying Beetlejuice three times, bad things will happen?
Monday, February 15, 2010
Through the eyes of babes
Got some pictures of my nephew Aiden in the inbox today. Got to go to an aquarium over in Japan(no they don't eat every fish they see) because my brother was actually in port for once!
People can have their botox injections to ward off the superficial manifestations of aging. I want them to figure out a way to bottle up that child like wonderment that is playing across Aiden's face and put it in my Wheaties.
Another pic of Aiden meeting the man in the mirror after the jump.
"I'll have what he's having"
People can have their botox injections to ward off the superficial manifestations of aging. I want them to figure out a way to bottle up that child like wonderment that is playing across Aiden's face and put it in my Wheaties.
Another pic of Aiden meeting the man in the mirror after the jump.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Links of Interest: The Hungry Monster is Evil Edition
Links brought to you by The Hungry Monster: Tempting you with food, because he can't eat.
Something died, and all I can think is how cute these pictures are. Dog vs. Praying Mantis
If you lived Lindsey Lohans(aka Lindsanity) lifestyle...would you tempt god like this? The Huffington Post
Now this is art! Vincent Van Goghs to Disneyland
Woody the Woodpecker gets His
I got this in my inbox and told to make it dance...so here it goes.
When I first saw this picture in my inbox. My first thought was..."Well if your going to make that much noise in the forest, your asking for it." I could just hear the "Beef, It's what for dinner" jingle play in my head while birds of prey heads popped up everywhere as soon as the wood pecker started pecking. But then I actually looked at the picture...yeah this was personal.
Everyone remember how annoying Woody the Woodpecker was? Something tells me that yellow bird had enough of being woken up at dawn by that incessant pecking and decided to do something about it. I would say ripping his tongue out of his head might be a little extreme....but I guess if that's the only way to turn off the alarm clock...
Honestly would you mess with the yellow bird? I mean Mr. Miagi was nobody to mess with just because he could catch a fly with some chopsticks. This bird caught a woodpecker by it's tounge in MIDFLIGHT.
I think this is what passes for the animal kingdom version of "Shut the F*ck-Up"
When I first saw this picture in my inbox. My first thought was..."Well if your going to make that much noise in the forest, your asking for it." I could just hear the "Beef, It's what for dinner" jingle play in my head while birds of prey heads popped up everywhere as soon as the wood pecker started pecking. But then I actually looked at the picture...yeah this was personal.
Everyone remember how annoying Woody the Woodpecker was? Something tells me that yellow bird had enough of being woken up at dawn by that incessant pecking and decided to do something about it. I would say ripping his tongue out of his head might be a little extreme....but I guess if that's the only way to turn off the alarm clock...
Honestly would you mess with the yellow bird? I mean Mr. Miagi was nobody to mess with just because he could catch a fly with some chopsticks. This bird caught a woodpecker by it's tounge in MIDFLIGHT.
Friday, February 12, 2010
What Court TV Should be Showing!
A lot of anger about the trying of Khalid Sheikh Mohammad in New York, in a civilian court no less. The administration is coming out saying out one side of their mouths that trying him in civilian court will show the world how civilized we are...and then winking at the camera and telling the rest of us that he will be convicted and executed no matter what! Clap...Clap...Clap.
1) All those infomercials demonstrating crazy inventions to "easily" remove hair...guinea pig right here.
2) Set him up to play the "dummy" in women's self defense classes across the country. Completely un padded of course.
3) I would really like to see him get a part in the cast of "The Vagina Monologues"
4) Definitely needs to co-star on an episode of "Dirty Jobs" where they work a hog farm. Mike Rowe will just sit back and "supervise".
5) Last but not least. He could be the homeless crazy guy who lives on Sesame street who is always preaching about Jihad on the corner...while all the characters pity him(including Oscar), and the adults teach us why he's wrong. MESSAGE!
Move over Tiger: The new Gillette spokesman!
Anyway I got off subject. We should NOT execute this guy, we should really degrade him, why make a Martyr when you can make a fool? I figure we start simple, with quarterly full body waxings followed by a bath in aftershave....all broadcast live on C-Span and across the globe of course.
Honestly look at this guy! After all the body waxing we should probably rent him out as a test dummy for male beauty products. He definitely has a "before" look to him instead of an after...so he could play that role in allot of commercials. After that? We do what Americans do best....use our imaginations!
Honestly look at this guy! After all the body waxing we should probably rent him out as a test dummy for male beauty products. He definitely has a "before" look to him instead of an after...so he could play that role in allot of commercials. After that? We do what Americans do best....use our imaginations!
1) All those infomercials demonstrating crazy inventions to "easily" remove hair...guinea pig right here.
2) Set him up to play the "dummy" in women's self defense classes across the country. Completely un padded of course.
3) I would really like to see him get a part in the cast of "The Vagina Monologues"
4) Definitely needs to co-star on an episode of "Dirty Jobs" where they work a hog farm. Mike Rowe will just sit back and "supervise".
5) Last but not least. He could be the homeless crazy guy who lives on Sesame street who is always preaching about Jihad on the corner...while all the characters pity him(including Oscar), and the adults teach us why he's wrong. MESSAGE!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
This is not the America I grew up in!
Hasbro is revamping(destroying) the game of Monopoly. Gone will be the traditional square board, and most important...bye bye funny money. You'll use a credit card. Dear god I hope this a "New Coke" style marketing scheme.
No money!...are you fricken kidding me! How in gods name is anyone going to cheat? Entire generations grew up either A) volunteering to be the banker so you could embezzle funds, or B) Learning to never trust anyone that volunteered to be the banker and watch them like a hawk. These were real life lessons. you learned to count and handle money, and keep track of "The Man".
So instead of cash, you'll be using a credit card, which will actually be designed by Visa....hookem while their young!
I'm going to slip into conspiracy theory mode here. We have a round board invoking Arthur's Round Table, we are equal blah blah. It's hard for someone to be living on the ritzy street of Park Ave....if the unwashed on Baltic Ave aren't even around the corner out of the line of sight! Then you have everyone's transactions being electronically recorded and sent to big brother to make sure you spend your money "correctly".
Top it all off with a box with a big "Red" label over the words Revolution....they might as well put the Soviet hammer and sickle on the box!
(Over the Top? heh)
No money!...are you fricken kidding me! How in gods name is anyone going to cheat? Entire generations grew up either A) volunteering to be the banker so you could embezzle funds, or B) Learning to never trust anyone that volunteered to be the banker and watch them like a hawk. These were real life lessons. you learned to count and handle money, and keep track of "The Man".
So instead of cash, you'll be using a credit card, which will actually be designed by Visa....hookem while their young!
I'm going to slip into conspiracy theory mode here. We have a round board invoking Arthur's Round Table, we are equal blah blah. It's hard for someone to be living on the ritzy street of Park Ave....if the unwashed on Baltic Ave aren't even around the corner out of the line of sight! Then you have everyone's transactions being electronically recorded and sent to big brother to make sure you spend your money "correctly".
Top it all off with a box with a big "Red" label over the words Revolution....they might as well put the Soviet hammer and sickle on the box!
(Over the Top? heh)
Things I think I think: February 10, 2010
1. After seeing those Strawberry Cheetos the Japanese came up with...I think they need to swing for the fences and come out with some Wasabi flavored Cheetos.
2. Why do 90 percent of Liberal arts majors/classes seem like what the rest of us do for a hobby/fun? People honestly pay someone to learn this stuff?
3. I need to renew my quest to get my sister to start writing "Food Porn". We were sitting at the kitchen table and she went into this description about how you eat Brownie Fudge ice cream and how good it was. After realizing how good she was at it, and imagining the book cover(shirtless romance novel hunk rubbing brownie batter on his chest)...I think we had someone out the door on a quest to find some in about 5 minutes. Missing her calling.
4. Blogger, no spellcheck. Check post in gmail, no mas on a word. Paste misspelled word in google, I get the correct spelling. 3 google products to get the answer...but I digress, their geniuses.
5. I need to make a remote controlled Jenga brick that vibrates so I can cheat.
6. Why is the Internet great? I only have to watch an hour of TV a week(Lost)...I leave it to the thousands of people out there that want to blog and post video of the good parts so I don't waste my time. Honestly, as an example, when is the last time someone actually WATCHED Saturday Night Live? Catch the clips Monday.
7. Someone needs to to market a single serving sized tube of cake frosting.
8. Honestly, why is the Pope such a big deal? I can go down to my local church and get just as much absolution delivered by a 6th string preist as I could from the Pope...I wouldn't even have to get it in Italian.
2. Why do 90 percent of Liberal arts majors/classes seem like what the rest of us do for a hobby/fun? People honestly pay someone to learn this stuff?
3. I need to renew my quest to get my sister to start writing "Food Porn". We were sitting at the kitchen table and she went into this description about how you eat Brownie Fudge ice cream and how good it was. After realizing how good she was at it, and imagining the book cover(shirtless romance novel hunk rubbing brownie batter on his chest)...I think we had someone out the door on a quest to find some in about 5 minutes. Missing her calling.
4. Blogger, no spellcheck. Check post in gmail, no mas on a word. Paste misspelled word in google, I get the correct spelling. 3 google products to get the answer...but I digress, their geniuses.
5. I need to make a remote controlled Jenga brick that vibrates so I can cheat.
6. Why is the Internet great? I only have to watch an hour of TV a week(Lost)...I leave it to the thousands of people out there that want to blog and post video of the good parts so I don't waste my time. Honestly, as an example, when is the last time someone actually WATCHED Saturday Night Live? Catch the clips Monday.
7. Someone needs to to market a single serving sized tube of cake frosting.
8. Honestly, why is the Pope such a big deal? I can go down to my local church and get just as much absolution delivered by a 6th string preist as I could from the Pope...I wouldn't even have to get it in Italian.
Links of Interest: Beeker feels the hate
Links brought to you by Drunk Jack and his epic beard.
Obama vs. Palin, a Crib Notes Technology Cost Analysis
Childhood globalwarming indoctrination: A Bridge to Far. Daughter blames mothers gas for global warming
Now this is channeling your road rage constructively. Guerrilla Public Service
Beeker + Dust in the Wind + Internet Ridicule = Win
Gracie vs. The Dogs
I was a little worried about how my niece Gracie and my dogs would get a along while she was in town over Christmas. Rambunctious toddler with no fear and two skittish dogs twice her size. Yeah, me, watching like a hawk.
Turned out to be fine...and completely entertaining. Gracie would get a kick out of the fact that as soon as she ran towards the dogs they would scatter and slink away. So, I would call them over and and calm them down and have Gracie come over and give them a big bear hug, they just looked like they wanted to bolt heh.
Well Gracie got a kick out of giving them hugs, and knew they would scatter they saw her coming, so she started stalking them! She would come up slow behind them while they slept, or more impressive...crawl under the coffee table and sneak up on them that way...then give them a big hug and laugh at her ingenuity.
Thing she liked the best was feeding them, and the dogs did great at that. They actually trusted her when she was locked up tight in her highchair. She would just reach down and they would gently take the food from her hand...and then she would squeal and smile when their tongue or nose touched her hand. I actually think she got a real kick out of finally being able to feed someone else instead for once.
Miss Gracie heh.
Aside: I can not get a picture of the dogs. I could cook up a nice steak, put it on the ground at my feat, and the dogs would run the opposite way as soon as I were to pull out the camera. I only got Hudson in the one above because he was asleep. He came awake fast as soon as he heard to camera lens extend.
Gracie vs. Hudson: The Rookie and the Old Man
Well Gracie got a kick out of giving them hugs, and knew they would scatter they saw her coming, so she started stalking them! She would come up slow behind them while they slept, or more impressive...crawl under the coffee table and sneak up on them that way...then give them a big hug and laugh at her ingenuity.
Thing she liked the best was feeding them, and the dogs did great at that. They actually trusted her when she was locked up tight in her highchair. She would just reach down and they would gently take the food from her hand...and then she would squeal and smile when their tongue or nose touched her hand. I actually think she got a real kick out of finally being able to feed someone else instead for once.
Miss Gracie heh.
Aside: I can not get a picture of the dogs. I could cook up a nice steak, put it on the ground at my feat, and the dogs would run the opposite way as soon as I were to pull out the camera. I only got Hudson in the one above because he was asleep. He came awake fast as soon as he heard to camera lens extend.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Ungrateful Bastards
Red = Drive on the Right
Blue = Drive on the Left
Ok, I understand Great Britain and her former colonies not following our lead. They probably decided to drive on the left out of spite.
But Japan? We practically rebuilt that country after the war. We managed to tear down their former imperial government and rebuild it into a democracy...but we can't get them to drive on the right side of the road?
Probably just so it's harder for us to sell cars over there.
Links of Interest: Well I found them entertaining.
Links brought to you by Snooki: The Umpa Lumpas answer to Smurfette
Jimmy Fallon as Neil Young...singing Pants on the Ground, by Brett Farve Hulu
Government healthcare, looking real good here. Daily Mail(UK)
Honestly, if your science project makes your principle shite their pants and evacuate the school...shouldn't you automaticaly win? San Diego Union-Tribune
Hopefully this movie will not be in 3D, but the discription is hillarious. Gayn*ggers from Outer Space(SFW)
Pretty neat photo essay, imagine the biggest automobile plant you've ever seen...disappearing. How to Hide an Airplane Factory
Super Bowl Star? Andy the Anteater
In a year bereft of stars, Andy the Anteater: Green Police Enforcer...rose to the top.
After seeing that commercial, I'm half expecting the green police to come busting down my door with Andy in the lead...I just know he will sniff out my contraband stash of double ply toilet paper!
Honestly this needs to be just the start for Andy. He needs to shoot for the big time...beer commercials. If you thought Spuds McKenzie could sell the beer and pull in the ladies...Andy will rock your world. Put a little tuxedo on him and he will be as cute as a puppy, but with an air of foreign sophistication.
Aside: I want one of those hip leashes for my dogs...gotta be better at keeping them from tangling up their feet in the leash.
After the jump. Video of Andy making a bust.
After seeing that commercial, I'm half expecting the green police to come busting down my door with Andy in the lead...I just know he will sniff out my contraband stash of double ply toilet paper!
Honestly this needs to be just the start for Andy. He needs to shoot for the big time...beer commercials. If you thought Spuds McKenzie could sell the beer and pull in the ladies...Andy will rock your world. Put a little tuxedo on him and he will be as cute as a puppy, but with an air of foreign sophistication.
Spuds can't touch this
Aside: I want one of those hip leashes for my dogs...gotta be better at keeping them from tangling up their feet in the leash.
After the jump. Video of Andy making a bust.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Apt I Say....Apt!
God I wish this was a true story.
Via The Jawa Report
An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.They left off the Epilogue: The professors fellow academics shunned him for teaching the kids the facts of life.
The professor then said, "OK, we wi...ll have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan".
All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.
As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
The second test average was a D! No one was happy.
When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.
The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.
Could not be any simpler than that.
Via The Jawa Report
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Geaux Saints!
I just love this picture, keep expecting the "Lion King" music to break out, probably end up on a cover or two. Hopefully Peyton Manning is consoling himself by crying himself to sleep on a bed of money. Needs to pull himself together before tomorrow...got another commercial to shoot :)
Image Via: AP
Spooky Motion at a Distance...I Thought Gravity was Vexing.
I read about the whole "spooky motion at a distance" phenomena years ago, but then I picked up a book somewhere...have no idea, which turned into one of the best technical/engineering scifi series I've read.
Series used the quantum entanglement of particles for communication at one point, this I can understand. Almost like binary morse code. Just flip one particle on and off, and the entangled particle infinite light years away does the same...instantaneous communications. Not science fiction, they have proved it works in the infant stages in the lab already.
Where the books threw me was when they started not transporting information/communications instantly....but energy. Could never wrap my brain around that. How can energy exist in two places at one time?...and really, energy is not information. I can't see how the morse code analogy applies.
Well contemporary science comes through again...kinda. Physicist Discovers How to Teleport Energy
If they do get it work...can they just beam energy to my cell phone/laptop so I don't have to charge them anymore? Just leave the charge plugged in at home and have it "beam" energy into them?
Ok, I'll "Power off Einstein" now.
Series used the quantum entanglement of particles for communication at one point, this I can understand. Almost like binary morse code. Just flip one particle on and off, and the entangled particle infinite light years away does the same...instantaneous communications. Not science fiction, they have proved it works in the infant stages in the lab already.
Where the books threw me was when they started not transporting information/communications instantly....but energy. Could never wrap my brain around that. How can energy exist in two places at one time?...and really, energy is not information. I can't see how the morse code analogy applies.
Well contemporary science comes through again...kinda. Physicist Discovers How to Teleport Energy
He gives the example of a string of entangled ions oscillating back and forth in an electric field trap, a bit like Newton's balls. Measuring the state of the first ion injects energy into the system in the form of a phonon, a quantum of oscillation. Hotta says that performing the right kind of measurement on the last ion extracts this energy. Since this can be done at the speed of light (in principle), the phonon doesn't travel across the intermediate ions so there is no heating of these ions. The energy has been transmitted without traveling across the intervening space. That's teleportation.Anyone understand that? Yeah me either...still seems like energy is existing at two points at the same time, violation of that whole "conservation of energy thing".
If they do get it work...can they just beam energy to my cell phone/laptop so I don't have to charge them anymore? Just leave the charge plugged in at home and have it "beam" energy into them?
Ok, I'll "Power off Einstein" now.
Make Harry Potter an Athlete?...Rig The Rules of the Game.
I've never read the books, but the movie is on tonight, and I saw something I had to comment on. Quidditch has to be the stupidest game ever designed.
Oh it looks great on screen....but let me get this straight. While the teams are playing an actual game, that seems quite brutal and intresting...all that effort and teamwork can be wiped out in a second by one kid floating off to the side above the fray if they catch the little gold thing?
Sorry your in the hospital with the injury bud, we were winning 100-0, but then the other team caught the golden ball...so we lost.
This would be like the Super Bowl being decided not by the two teams on the field, but two kickers...taking turns trying to make a 70 yard field goal in an empty stadium next door. First one to make it wins for their team. If you translated this to basketball, the Washington Generals could get waxed on the court every game...as long as they had a fat dude that could make a 3/4 court shot before regulation time ran out.
Quidditch...the anti thesis of a team sport.
Oh it looks great on screen....but let me get this straight. While the teams are playing an actual game, that seems quite brutal and intresting...all that effort and teamwork can be wiped out in a second by one kid floating off to the side above the fray if they catch the little gold thing?
Sorry your in the hospital with the injury bud, we were winning 100-0, but then the other team caught the golden ball...so we lost.
(Quidditch Affirmative Action)
This would be like the Super Bowl being decided not by the two teams on the field, but two kickers...taking turns trying to make a 70 yard field goal in an empty stadium next door. First one to make it wins for their team. If you translated this to basketball, the Washington Generals could get waxed on the court every game...as long as they had a fat dude that could make a 3/4 court shot before regulation time ran out.
Quidditch...the anti thesis of a team sport.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Team Brees
Amazing that this game is pitting two quarterbacks that in college couldn't win the big games.
I have to go with Brees and the Saints. Alma mater over State...and frankly between the commercials and the gushing praise from the announcers, I'm going to be completely sick of Peyton before the game even starts.
Oh, I think the Colts will win, but it will be a good game. I figure Roger Goodell personally injured Dwight Freenys ankle just so Brees would have some time in the pocket.
I have to go with Brees and the Saints. Alma mater over State...and frankly between the commercials and the gushing praise from the announcers, I'm going to be completely sick of Peyton before the game even starts.
Oh, I think the Colts will win, but it will be a good game. I figure Roger Goodell personally injured Dwight Freenys ankle just so Brees would have some time in the pocket.
Can't be Unseen
You ever seen something blasphemous you know you shouldn't have?...and laughed and enjoyed it none the less? Yeah, I'm expecting God to unleash his wrath through my laptop screen any moment Raiders style.
I don't know what the best part of this video is. The space helmet wearing angel monkey in heaven, Jesus turning Holy Water into Whiskey, the mixing of Jesus blood(wine) with drugs, doing the moonwalk over the water, the baseball cap embroidered with thorns that could have come right out of the Ed Hardy collection, or the rave style Crucifixion of a finale. Yep, going to hell.
One thing I didn't like? The savior of mankind should not be wearing "tighty whities" Video after the jump.
One thing I didn't like? The savior of mankind should not be wearing "tighty whities" Video after the jump.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
I Don't Understand Comics
Ok, I'll freely admit, I've never read a comic in my life. So I have no idea where all these fan boys are coming from when they think they are one highest forms of art/literature. That's like me comparing the "choose your own adventure" books I read growing up to Shakespeare.
1) I don't know how something can be considered literature when it has less words per page than Cat in the Hat.
2) No wonder they are making every other movie out of a comic book. Compared to a REAL book, they have so little plot and dialog that they can fit it into 90 minutes. Add in the fact that it's already storyboarded and has a built in audience trying to justify their obsession...hard to not make some money.
1) I don't know how something can be considered literature when it has less words per page than Cat in the Hat.
2) No wonder they are making every other movie out of a comic book. Compared to a REAL book, they have so little plot and dialog that they can fit it into 90 minutes. Add in the fact that it's already storyboarded and has a built in audience trying to justify their obsession...hard to not make some money.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Japan Does it Again!
When my sister told me about these, I couldn't believe that they existed, but they do. You've done it again Japan! Can anyone even contemplate what these taste like? You never think about the marriage of Corn and Strawberries. Frankly I can't think of strawberries mixing with anything that isn't creme/milk based. Yeah, once in awhile someone tries to make a pie or cake out of them...but that usually ends up with 99% strawberries just to overpower everything else. But the Japanese? They went with corn as their main ingredient. When it comes to food the Japanese invented thinking outside of the box...or it's just because they are insane compared to the tastes of the rest of the world.
I need to have my brother send me some of these, just to try them once.
Quote of the Day: February 2, 2010
One day shortly after the Second World War ended, Winston Churchill and Labour Party Prime Minister Clement Attlee encountered one another at the urinal trough in the House of Common's men's washroom. Attlee arrived first. When Churchill arrived, he stood as far away from him as possible. Attlee said, "Feeling standoffish today, are we, Winston?" Churchill said: "That's right. Every time you see something big, you want to nationalize it."I always figure that the decline of Great Britian was cosmic payback for them dumping Churchill after he pretty much saved the country. Just hoping we haven't made the same mistake.
via ProfessorBainbridge
Black History Month: Bad Idea All Around
Preach it Mr. Freeman
I just love how Mike Wallace just squirms. The PC culture is so embedded in journalists psyche....that they can't admit it's BS, and can be inappropriate. They had an NHL reporter interviewing a black player from Canada, asking him how he felt to be the first African American player on the team...he corrected her 3 times that he was Canadian....not African American...but she couldn't say black. Another case...when Nelson Mandela got elected the president of South Africa, the Washington Post called him the first "African American" president of South Africa...wth. This labeling crap needs to stop.
Morgan is right. The more you tell people that their only defining characteristic is their skin color...not who they are, and what they have done/accomplished...the more fractured society becomes.
I just love how Mike Wallace just squirms. The PC culture is so embedded in journalists psyche....that they can't admit it's BS, and can be inappropriate. They had an NHL reporter interviewing a black player from Canada, asking him how he felt to be the first African American player on the team...he corrected her 3 times that he was Canadian....not African American...but she couldn't say black. Another case...when Nelson Mandela got elected the president of South Africa, the Washington Post called him the first "African American" president of South Africa...wth. This labeling crap needs to stop.
Morgan is right. The more you tell people that their only defining characteristic is their skin color...not who they are, and what they have done/accomplished...the more fractured society becomes.
Advertising Win
Before John Elway was telling us to drink Coors, advertising geniuses enlisted a character beloved by children all over the world to promote the sweat nectar brewed in the Colorado Rockies.
What passes through my mind when I look at this picture?
1) Is it just me, or does it look like E.T has lost alot of weight in this photo?
2) E.T should have done a guest stint as a fill in bartender on Cheers. They wouldn't have even had to show him...just have his hand slowly peaking up from behind the bar to serve beers.
3) E.T had to get drunk before he engineered himself a phone out of that spellcheck.
1) Is it just me, or does it look like E.T has lost alot of weight in this photo?
2) E.T should have done a guest stint as a fill in bartender on Cheers. They wouldn't have even had to show him...just have his hand slowly peaking up from behind the bar to serve beers.
3) E.T had to get drunk before he engineered himself a phone out of that spellcheck.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Things I think I think: January 31, 2010
1. I read with amusement all the Apple disciples getting all dreamy over the iPad reveal....honestly you would think they were tween girls going nuts over the latest prepubescent nonthreatening girly looking pop star. Then they mentioned that Jack Bauer is going to use one on this season of 24....the question is, who is he going to kill with it?
Jack Bauer should NOT be using any kind of Apple product besides a phone. When I think of Apple guys?...guys who have never had calluses on their hands, have no scars, and love to moisturize...life outside the Starbucks is hard!. Jack Bauer needs to be using something useful...he's running around killing, getting torchered, and saving the country for 24 hours straight...what does Jack need? An energy drink....24hrs hours of killing energy! Just think of the product placement possibilities! Jack could be pulling out an energy drink from his "Bauer Bag" every episode....maybe make a bomb out of the empty container or two.
The only problem I see is the possibility of Keifer Sutherland spiking his energy drink.
2. Winter survival tip: REALLY cold outside? Have to run to the store? Take a dog or two along....they and their body heat will keep the car warm while you are inside....trust me. Calories I feed them finally come in handy!
3. Pez, teaching kids to load gun magazines since 1927. Omg, I figured I would check this one on google...Pez pistols exist!...and yes, kids learn to put the barrel in their mouth and pull the trigger to get candy.
So basically, your friendly neighborhood jihads can kill as many children as he wants and get his 72 virgins in heaven...but if he dies with a hot dog in his stomach? "Take Him to Detroit". Why do I think this will be much more of a deterrent than a billion dollar bomber? Yeah the Ivy Leaguers in the State Department will forbid it...but, it will make it into the field anyway.
6. You have no idea how much I loath Accounting at this point. From now on, when I meet someone that says they are an Accountant...automatic distrust/put them in the crazy category....because nobody could study this crap for years and stay sane. I like engineering, it's based on the laws on nature, the laws of common sense apply. Accounting is based on the laws of man, and law, yeah...common sense goes out the window. You wonder why the economy/government is f*cked.
7. What do you think the over/under is on the number of minutes Lady Gaga would last walking down the street in Gaza dressed up in one of her outfits? I'm going with 15.
Jack Bauer should NOT be using any kind of Apple product besides a phone. When I think of Apple guys?...guys who have never had calluses on their hands, have no scars, and love to moisturize...life outside the Starbucks is hard!. Jack Bauer needs to be using something useful...he's running around killing, getting torchered, and saving the country for 24 hours straight...what does Jack need? An energy drink....24hrs hours of killing energy! Just think of the product placement possibilities! Jack could be pulling out an energy drink from his "Bauer Bag" every episode....maybe make a bomb out of the empty container or two.
The only problem I see is the possibility of Keifer Sutherland spiking his energy drink.
2. Winter survival tip: REALLY cold outside? Have to run to the store? Take a dog or two along....they and their body heat will keep the car warm while you are inside....trust me. Calories I feed them finally come in handy!
3. Pez, teaching kids to load gun magazines since 1927. Omg, I figured I would check this one on google...Pez pistols exist!...and yes, kids learn to put the barrel in their mouth and pull the trigger to get candy.
4. The fact that Blogger is run by Google....but I have to copy everything I write here....paste it over into a gmail so I can spell check it....then paste it back here, and then reformat it again? Google fail. Guess they are too busy collecting enough info on me to know when I make a call to nature.
5. A company is now making a pork based gun oil, with the motto "One Shot-One Soul" I'll let them elaborate.
HOW does SILVER BULLET GUN OIL work? SILVER BULLET GUN OIL CONTAINS 13% USDA LIQUEFIED PIG FAT. The PIG FAT is mixed with our blended, hi-grade WEAPONS OIL designed for use in ALL FIREARMS. The oil is applied to the inside of the barrel of any firearm or weapons system. When fired, BULLETS are coated with SILVER BULLET GUN OIL containing the PIG FAT. The PIG FAT is transferred to anything the BULLETS STRIKE. The coating of OIL CONTAINING PIG FAT effectively DENIES entry to Allah's Paradise to any Islamo-Fascist terrorist KIA with a bullet coming from a firearm using SILVER BULLET GUN OIL in the barrel. SILVER BULLET GUN OIL uses the belief system of Allah's Islamo-Fascist terrorists to put fear of death into them, a fear they haven't had until NOW.
So basically, your friendly neighborhood jihads can kill as many children as he wants and get his 72 virgins in heaven...but if he dies with a hot dog in his stomach? "Take Him to Detroit". Why do I think this will be much more of a deterrent than a billion dollar bomber? Yeah the Ivy Leaguers in the State Department will forbid it...but, it will make it into the field anyway.
6. You have no idea how much I loath Accounting at this point. From now on, when I meet someone that says they are an Accountant...automatic distrust/put them in the crazy category....because nobody could study this crap for years and stay sane. I like engineering, it's based on the laws on nature, the laws of common sense apply. Accounting is based on the laws of man, and law, yeah...common sense goes out the window. You wonder why the economy/government is f*cked.
7. What do you think the over/under is on the number of minutes Lady Gaga would last walking down the street in Gaza dressed up in one of her outfits? I'm going with 15.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Dedication: You Don't Succeed Without It!
This man will make more money his rookie year than you will in the next 20....because he's an athlete.
Can we get a special award from congress for those compression shorts going above and beyond?
Political Cartoon of the Day: January 27, 2010
I love political cartoons. They just boil down an idea to it's point without going into a long winded article. I was probably one of the few freshmen in college getting the WSJ delivered to my door every morning(I didn't even have to go outside!) and I would cut out the cartoons after I got done with the paper and plaster them around my room. So I figured I would start posting the ones that really made me laugh.
He wants to "freeze" only parts of the discretionary budget(he's exempted over 60% right off the bat)...and doesn't want to cut anything from a budget that grew 24% last year alone? Wouldn't you take a 24% raise today and forgo one for 3 years like he's proposing? BS
He wants to "freeze" only parts of the discretionary budget(he's exempted over 60% right off the bat)...and doesn't want to cut anything from a budget that grew 24% last year alone? Wouldn't you take a 24% raise today and forgo one for 3 years like he's proposing? BS
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Government Sponsered Stupid
Was just reading a recap of Obama's interview with Diane Sawyer...and this little snippet while talking about his proposeles to help middleclass families set me off a bit.
Obama wants to do the country good, he should be handing out 50% loan repayments to engineers, doctors, nurses, and technical degrees....oh and making law students pay 150%...we got too many of those already!
"Capping student federal loan payments to 10 percent of the student's income above a basic living allowance."You know what that sounds like to me? Encouragement(bailout) to people that spend 8-10 years in college to get a doctorate in a subject(communications, literature, women's studies, phys ed...etc) who get out into the real world with a 100k in debt and realize the only job they can get is as a barista at Starbucks.
Obama wants to do the country good, he should be handing out 50% loan repayments to engineers, doctors, nurses, and technical degrees....oh and making law students pay 150%...we got too many of those already!
Aliens are Racists!
So the Aliens in Close Encounters of the Third Kind invite "ordinary" Americans to their top secret midnight picnic(Isn't this the begining of most serial killer movies?). But did anyone notice what all of the invites had in common?
That's right...all white. Do they not like the Mexicans, blacks, and Chinese? But they have the best food! Come on, would you rather have Richard Dreyfus teaching you how to heat up hot dogs in a toaster oven on that long space flight...or Ms Wong cooking up a Chinese buffet?
Obviously these are aliens driven by ideology(i.e dangerous). They should have come down the ramp goose stepping!
Aside: I have to say Richard Dreyfus's characters play to dodge child support for the kids he abandoned has to be the greatest ever. Really, traveling with aliens? The whole 2nd half of the movie should have ended up being the explination of some lawyer he's(Dreyfus) not in court...then flashing to where he really is...Costa Rica.
That's right...all white. Do they not like the Mexicans, blacks, and Chinese? But they have the best food! Come on, would you rather have Richard Dreyfus teaching you how to heat up hot dogs in a toaster oven on that long space flight...or Ms Wong cooking up a Chinese buffet?
Obviously these are aliens driven by ideology(i.e dangerous). They should have come down the ramp goose stepping!
Aside: I have to say Richard Dreyfus's characters play to dodge child support for the kids he abandoned has to be the greatest ever. Really, traveling with aliens? The whole 2nd half of the movie should have ended up being the explination of some lawyer he's(Dreyfus) not in court...then flashing to where he really is...Costa Rica.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Cultural Archeology
I present the origin of the "tramp stamp" tattoo.
Deep down, you know I'm right. Now if I could just figure out what invaded our cultural consciousness to give us the douche bicep "barb-wire" tattoo
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Mother of the Year
Doesn't this picture just put all our mommy and daddy issues to shame and banish them to the corner?
Why do I sense Psychiatrists across the country are giving each other high-fives like a couple of trial lawyers who have just won a big judgement after seeing this picture? These poor kids are going to be on the couch FOR EV ER.
I just love how both of the girls are staring at a blank wall in a desperate attempt to play the "we are not with her" card.
Why do I sense Psychiatrists across the country are giving each other high-fives like a couple of trial lawyers who have just won a big judgement after seeing this picture? These poor kids are going to be on the couch FOR EV ER.
I just love how both of the girls are staring at a blank wall in a desperate attempt to play the "we are not with her" card.
Monday, January 18, 2010
PETA Fail
I can't even get my dogs to lay still for me to trim their nails, I basically have to full body pin them. Yet some people were able to pull off this?
Maybe PETA should stop worrying about how worms and minks(silky rats) are treated, and get on this!
For the rest 25 Hardcore Pets
Maybe PETA should stop worrying about how worms and minks(silky rats) are treated, and get on this!
For the rest 25 Hardcore Pets
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Things I think I think: January 17. 2010
1. Is it just me...or is every Jihadi video/mug shot just screaming out for a "Glamor Shots" make over? I want to see Khalid Shake Muhammad with some soft lighting and a dash of laser show behind him.
2. Since Herbie the "Love Bug" is kinda alive...can he be sued for child support for any kids conceived in his back seat?
3. The reason at home pregnancy test show results as the confusing pink/blue or +/- instead of the straight forward Yes/No....is because it's hard to read words through the tears.
4. Why do I think there is a correlation between the number of Jihadi terrorist attacks against us...and the increasing saturation of erectile dysfunction ads on the airwaves? It's like we are broadcasting to the world that we aren't real men. Back in the day, we had The Duke and still have Eastwood....now we have elfin celebrities and sports stars selling out and saying they need help. We are broadcasting this to a culture in which the men oppress the women(because they have issues), have multiple wife's because they think of themselves as so virile, marry 12 year olds so they can be the "man"...and then expect 72 virgins when they become martyrs. The way we counter act this? We send our "4 hour erection" brigade overseas....victory through superior pharmacology!
5. Isn't odd that Nascar races are populated by cars going around the track with alcohol advertisements all over them? Shouldn't they be required to chug a beer during every refuelling stop to make the race really interesting?...and serve as a message to kids? Love to see drivers have to go through a sobriety check point in pit row around lap 300.
6. The A-Team was really good at blowing things up...but not so good at the whole "proving your innocent" side of things...not enough book leanin.
2. Since Herbie the "Love Bug" is kinda alive...can he be sued for child support for any kids conceived in his back seat?
3. The reason at home pregnancy test show results as the confusing pink/blue or +/- instead of the straight forward Yes/No....is because it's hard to read words through the tears.
4. Why do I think there is a correlation between the number of Jihadi terrorist attacks against us...and the increasing saturation of erectile dysfunction ads on the airwaves? It's like we are broadcasting to the world that we aren't real men. Back in the day, we had The Duke and still have Eastwood....now we have elfin celebrities and sports stars selling out and saying they need help. We are broadcasting this to a culture in which the men oppress the women(because they have issues), have multiple wife's because they think of themselves as so virile, marry 12 year olds so they can be the "man"...and then expect 72 virgins when they become martyrs. The way we counter act this? We send our "4 hour erection" brigade overseas....victory through superior pharmacology!
5. Isn't odd that Nascar races are populated by cars going around the track with alcohol advertisements all over them? Shouldn't they be required to chug a beer during every refuelling stop to make the race really interesting?...and serve as a message to kids? Love to see drivers have to go through a sobriety check point in pit row around lap 300.
6. The A-Team was really good at blowing things up...but not so good at the whole "proving your innocent" side of things...not enough book leanin.
200 Years Later...Still on the Lam
Still haven't seen the movie, but I thought this was funny/well done.
To Good of an Idea: Bud Bowl...the Game
Before I liked football...I loved Bud Bowl. I lived in the Keys when this came out. We hardly came inside to sleep let alone lay around to watch football. Add in that there was no orginized football and you get the fact that we saw exactly one football game a year Bud Bowl...err I mean the Super Bowl.
But my fond memories of Bud Bowl got me thinking. No, I'm not going to jump into the "bring back" Bud Bowl camp. No, the new thing is "re-imagining" the classics, so they need to go beyond TV....time for a video game.
The set up is perfect. There are no viable football game alternatives to Madden because of the player name monopoly...don't need real names for Beer bottles. Graphics? They are BEER BOTTLES...shift them left, shift them right...maybe a shattering animation for big hits? I figure Budweiser could make a free down loadable game for every major system for what they pay for 2 commercials during the Super Bowl...but people would be playing it long after the Super Bowl. Heck they could promote a drinking game out of it like Beer Pong.
Best is...they could promote new products via online updates. If you could download a new quarterback with great stats, representing a new flavor....wouldn't you try the real beer at least once?
This probably runs up against some kind of "Marketing to Children" hysteria, but they advertise beer every real game....and they sell that Modern Warfare 2 to kids...and you gun down innocents in that...so they can STFU...I want my Bud Bowl!
But my fond memories of Bud Bowl got me thinking. No, I'm not going to jump into the "bring back" Bud Bowl camp. No, the new thing is "re-imagining" the classics, so they need to go beyond TV....time for a video game.
The set up is perfect. There are no viable football game alternatives to Madden because of the player name monopoly...don't need real names for Beer bottles. Graphics? They are BEER BOTTLES...shift them left, shift them right...maybe a shattering animation for big hits? I figure Budweiser could make a free down loadable game for every major system for what they pay for 2 commercials during the Super Bowl...but people would be playing it long after the Super Bowl. Heck they could promote a drinking game out of it like Beer Pong.
Best is...they could promote new products via online updates. If you could download a new quarterback with great stats, representing a new flavor....wouldn't you try the real beer at least once?
This probably runs up against some kind of "Marketing to Children" hysteria, but they advertise beer every real game....and they sell that Modern Warfare 2 to kids...and you gun down innocents in that...so they can STFU...I want my Bud Bowl!
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