Things I think I think: January 31, 2010

1. I read with amusement all the Apple disciples getting all dreamy over the iPad reveal....honestly you would think they were tween girls going nuts over the latest prepubescent nonthreatening girly looking pop star. Then they mentioned that Jack Bauer is going to use one on this season of 24....the question is, who is he going to kill with it?

Jack Bauer should NOT be using any kind of Apple product besides a phone. When I think of Apple guys?...guys who have never had calluses on their hands, have no scars, and love to moisturize...life outside the Starbucks is hard!. Jack Bauer needs to be using something useful...he's running around killing, getting torchered, and saving the country for 24 hours straight...what does Jack need? An energy drink....24hrs hours of killing energy! Just think of the product placement possibilities! Jack could be pulling out an energy drink from his "Bauer Bag" every episode....maybe make a bomb out of the empty container or two.

The only problem I see is the possibility of Keifer Sutherland spiking his energy drink.

2. Winter survival tip: REALLY cold outside? Have to run to the store? Take a dog or two along....they and their body heat will keep the car warm while you are inside....trust me. Calories I feed them finally come in handy!

3. Pez, teaching kids to load gun magazines since 1927. Omg, I figured I would check this one on google...Pez pistols exist!...and yes, kids learn to put the barrel in their mouth and pull the trigger to get candy.

4. The fact that Blogger is run by Google....but I have to copy everything I write here....paste it over into a gmail so I can spell check it....then paste it back here, and then reformat it again? Google fail. Guess they are too busy collecting enough info on me to know when I make a call to nature.

5. A company is now making a pork based gun oil, with the motto "One Shot-One Soul" I'll let them elaborate.

HOW does SILVER BULLET GUN OIL work? SILVER BULLET GUN OIL CONTAINS 13% USDA LIQUEFIED PIG FAT. The PIG FAT is mixed with our blended, hi-grade WEAPONS OIL designed for use in ALL FIREARMS. The oil is applied to the inside of the barrel of any firearm or weapons system. When fired, BULLETS are coated with SILVER BULLET GUN OIL containing the PIG FAT. The PIG FAT is transferred to anything the BULLETS STRIKE. The coating of OIL CONTAINING PIG FAT effectively DENIES entry to Allah's Paradise to any Islamo-Fascist terrorist KIA with a bullet coming from a firearm using SILVER BULLET GUN OIL in the barrel. SILVER BULLET GUN OIL uses the belief system of Allah's Islamo-Fascist terrorists to put fear of death into them, a fear they haven't had until NOW.

So basically, your friendly neighborhood jihads can kill as many children as he wants and get his 72 virgins in heaven...but if he dies with a hot dog in his stomach? "Take Him to Detroit". Why do I think this will be much more of a deterrent than a billion dollar bomber? Yeah the Ivy Leaguers in the State Department will forbid it...but, it will make it into the field anyway.

6. You have no idea how much I loath Accounting at this point. From now on, when I meet someone that says they are an Accountant...automatic distrust/put them in the crazy category....because nobody could study this crap for years and stay sane. I like engineering, it's based on the laws on nature, the laws of common sense apply. Accounting is based on the laws of man, and law, yeah...common sense goes out the window. You wonder why the economy/government is f*cked.

7. What do you think the over/under is on the number of minutes Lady Gaga would last walking down the street in Gaza dressed up in one of her outfits? I'm going with 15.