1. I think I should bring a can of Easy Cheese with me next time I go up for communion. Spray a little cheese on my communion wafer. I wonder if the priest would immediately douse me with holy water.
2. I love how the McDonald's dollar menu has been resisting the forces of inflation going on a good decade. We should really think about putting Ronald McDonald in charge of the Fed, has to be better than Turbo Tax Timmy.
3. Why are guys who come on The Maury Povich show to see if "they are the father"...always bringing their mommy along with them?
4. Why do I think the reason "The Count" on Sesame street is obsessed with counting is because he has been alive for so so long? He is probably marking the days like a depressed prisoner.
5. Girl Scouts and Cookie Monster...a product commercial made in heaven. Way to miss that one Mad Men
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Daily Zen
Somewhere a PETA member is trying to work up some outrage.
So is this what a dog who loves hanging his head out of the car window dreams about? The dog in this picture is so relexed he looks like he is trying to see if there is a bird he can chase on the way down. Of course they tried to do this with a cat...Once.
Via
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Or Sins Forgiven, but at a Price!
Tatar Sauce - Jesus brand of "special sauce"
I won't even delve into the fact that the FoF contains multiple kinds of fish(not a good sign), or that they have to keep shifting the kind of fish they use because of overfishing(that's right, the FoF/catholic church, is destroying the environment!). It doesn't matter what kind of fish they use...they will just fry it up enough so you can't taste it. It's the other facets of the FoF that make it disturbing.
Cheese on a fish? It's been awhile since I was in a biology course, but I'm pretty sure cows live on land, and fish live in the sea. They were never meant to meet! You know something is wrong when the cheese is on the bottom of the of the sand which, it's a tact id admission that it doesn't belong on the sand which...cheese should never be a second class topping! They even only give you 1/2 a piece, which just makes it a show piece to make you think it will taste like any other sand which, but then you taste it....and it's too late.
I really need to start trying to convert people to my Friday Lent practice of having lamb(I love Greek food)...I go with the justification that Jesus was the lamb of God. See St. Peter mess with that logic when I'm standing at the pearly gates!
Aside: Notice how McDonalds has a mascot for all their food choices BUT the fillet-o-fish? McDonalds even knows it's bad.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Things I think I think: March 2, 2010
1. We have the SAP feature on televisions for those that speak espanol, and closed captioning for the hearing impaired. But what we really need is a button to push so that the plot twists in movies and tv shows can be explained to those not so swift on the uptake...spare the rest of us from having to explain everything.
2. I've had one cup of coffee in my life, but I've found something else that will wake you up even better in the morning. I'll leave my contact case on the window sill overnight during the winter(aka 70 percent of the year). Put those puppies in...your awake. Brisk.
3. The Democrats are starting to remind me of the Simpson's with their insistence on continuing with this health care bill. They figure if they say "Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore" enough times that Homer and Marge(The American People) will just give in to shut them up
4. With the bevy of babes that James Bond has bedded, and the fact that I've never seen Q issue him any protection, I would expect that we were due a father/son Bond movie. Then I had the thought that the double O in 007 probably meant they had him fixed...snipped the boys right off and replaced them with something Q thought up....case solved.
5. I honestly think the preacher of the church down the street needs to set up a twitter account. He always has something "colorful" on the billboard out in front of the church. The latest is "Repent, Toyota isn't the only Maker that can issue a recall". I should stop in one time to experience a fire and brimstone service heh.
2. I've had one cup of coffee in my life, but I've found something else that will wake you up even better in the morning. I'll leave my contact case on the window sill overnight during the winter(aka 70 percent of the year). Put those puppies in...your awake. Brisk.
3. The Democrats are starting to remind me of the Simpson's with their insistence on continuing with this health care bill. They figure if they say "Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore" enough times that Homer and Marge(The American People) will just give in to shut them up
4. With the bevy of babes that James Bond has bedded, and the fact that I've never seen Q issue him any protection, I would expect that we were due a father/son Bond movie. Then I had the thought that the double O in 007 probably meant they had him fixed...snipped the boys right off and replaced them with something Q thought up....case solved.
5. I honestly think the preacher of the church down the street needs to set up a twitter account. He always has something "colorful" on the billboard out in front of the church. The latest is "Repent, Toyota isn't the only Maker that can issue a recall". I should stop in one time to experience a fire and brimstone service heh.
Don't Trust the Letter Y!
The letter Y, brought to you by evil Bert
Isn't the letter Y the most insidious letter? It just sits there at the end of the alphabet, not at the end where it might draw attention to its self, but far enough so it's still laying in the weeds. First it wants to be either a vowel or a consonant...never wants to be pinned down by a definition. Then it attached it's self to every word that by their very definition bring about feelings of happiness and an instinctual protectiveness(mommy, daddy, baby, puppy). See? Y is such a good and pure letter!
Once it had embedded its self in our cultural consciousness...it started to show it's true colors. At first it just spread its influence through the word whY. Why...always questioning authority. Then over the last couple decades the letter Y has been systematically replacing the letter i in common names(Megyn, Melyssa, Bryan...etc) All these people have been been marked by the evil letter....they can not be trusted! Think I'm crazy? What does the letter Y look like? That's right, a little i with horns on it...and if I remember my Indiana Jones correctly Jehovah(God) starts with an i in Latin! Y is trying to replace God!
That was fun heh.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
FBI Watch-List Candidate Right Here.
So once again I'm flipping through google images, this time under the search "pencil shavings" for an idea on another post. I come across this.
After getting over my incitial shock and awe I had to ask...
a) What kind of messed up mind comes up with this? I'm impressed.
b) I can't but wonder what the over/under is on the time someone would get a call from their childs school if they put this in their backpack.
via Gizmodo
Tim Burton just had a "special moment" looking at this pic.
After getting over my incitial shock and awe I had to ask...
a) What kind of messed up mind comes up with this? I'm impressed.
b) I can't but wonder what the over/under is on the time someone would get a call from their childs school if they put this in their backpack.
via Gizmodo
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Your the Best!
While Mr. Miagi taught young men and women the fine art of Karate...Mrs. Miagi followed a different path into the seedy underworld of high stakes drinking competitions where she groomed the very best!
Cue 80's style training montage of drinking exercises: beer after liquor, one handed keg stands, Long Island Ice Teas....none of that wax on wax off, fix my house up from dawn to dusk in contravention of child labor laws shite. No Mrs. Miagi has her pupils working in her bar like it's a sweat shop. Which all leads up to Marion's climatic show down against an ex-president of the Alpha Beta fraternity.
Marion almost doesn't make it, but Mrs. Miagi slips her some herbal stimulants on the down low and she holds it together just long enough to drink the Alpha Beta under the table. Then she passes out....and Mrs. Miagi steals her winnings from her unconcious hand...the end.
"Very good Marion-san!"
Cue 80's style training montage of drinking exercises: beer after liquor, one handed keg stands, Long Island Ice Teas....none of that wax on wax off, fix my house up from dawn to dusk in contravention of child labor laws shite. No Mrs. Miagi has her pupils working in her bar like it's a sweat shop. Which all leads up to Marion's climatic show down against an ex-president of the Alpha Beta fraternity.
Whats the drinking equivilent of "sweep the leg"?
Marion almost doesn't make it, but Mrs. Miagi slips her some herbal stimulants on the down low and she holds it together just long enough to drink the Alpha Beta under the table. Then she passes out....and Mrs. Miagi steals her winnings from her unconcious hand...the end.
Foodnetwork + Reality = Must See TV
We've all seen the multitude of cooking shows out there. What do they all have in common? Perfection.
You know what makes good TV? Chaos! I don't want to see another show with a pristine kitchen stocked with every conceivable appliance and tool.
I want to see someone cook with 3 screaming kids running around the kitchen fighting while the dogs dance around the cooks feet waiting for scraps to fall. I want to see the cook try to mix something up while holding a crying baby in one hand, the phone held to her ear with a hunched shoulder, while another kid is playing with the knifes that are stacked in the open washing machine.
I want to see the cook find out they don't have the right utensil/tool or better yet, find out their spouse didn't rinse off the dishes before putting them in the washing machine and the thing they need NOW isn't clean. Then just as they figure that out...they find out that they are missing an essential ingredient(or it's gone bad in the fridge)...as they are about to lose it because two of the kids are yelling and trying to pull out each other's hair...and the slow one is painting the walls with their soiled diaper, the guy from Iron Chef comes staggering from off screen dressed in an outfit that consists of a flannel shirt and sweats that look like they have been slept in for days to rummage through the fridge to find and announce the "secret ingredient" of the day.
The show should just keep going from there. Kids whining when dinner is going to be done, the oven not cooking evenly, the different courses not being done at the same time, and the cooks spouse being late coming home from work.
Top the show off by having the family sit down for dinner, the cook(host) puts on a chipper face and says how easy it was to the audience, and then have the cooks spouse saying the meal didn't taste good....cue look of death from cook....fade out to police sirens and the COPS logo.
These two are one water spotted dish away from losing their cool.
You know what makes good TV? Chaos! I don't want to see another show with a pristine kitchen stocked with every conceivable appliance and tool.
I want to see someone cook with 3 screaming kids running around the kitchen fighting while the dogs dance around the cooks feet waiting for scraps to fall. I want to see the cook try to mix something up while holding a crying baby in one hand, the phone held to her ear with a hunched shoulder, while another kid is playing with the knifes that are stacked in the open washing machine.
I want to see the cook find out they don't have the right utensil/tool or better yet, find out their spouse didn't rinse off the dishes before putting them in the washing machine and the thing they need NOW isn't clean. Then just as they figure that out...they find out that they are missing an essential ingredient(or it's gone bad in the fridge)...as they are about to lose it because two of the kids are yelling and trying to pull out each other's hair...and the slow one is painting the walls with their soiled diaper, the guy from Iron Chef comes staggering from off screen dressed in an outfit that consists of a flannel shirt and sweats that look like they have been slept in for days to rummage through the fridge to find and announce the "secret ingredient" of the day.
Chairman Kaga says the secret ingredient is Hummus!
The show should just keep going from there. Kids whining when dinner is going to be done, the oven not cooking evenly, the different courses not being done at the same time, and the cooks spouse being late coming home from work.
Top the show off by having the family sit down for dinner, the cook(host) puts on a chipper face and says how easy it was to the audience, and then have the cooks spouse saying the meal didn't taste good....cue look of death from cook....fade out to police sirens and the COPS logo.
All Hail our Superior Leaders!
The same moonbat politicians that can't understand the basic supply and demand prinicples of economics...who just think they can write a new law or two to make the economy dance and do what they want(where they pick the winners and losers)...who think they can take a dollar from you, wash it through the government bearcracy, and then spend it and magically it has a stimulative effect. Are the same one's who think they can control the weather and the rest of the forces of nature. Seems to me that only one person has managed that, and he had help.
Obama did promise to lower ocean levels in his first term
If global warming is happening, maybe we should let it. Has anyone ever looked at a map and realized that if it actually warmed up(my feet are frozen at this moment) we would gain all of the land mass in northern Canada and Russia to grow food? Global warming people are obviously in the "glass half empty" camp...maybe we should start another cold war with someone just so they have something real to worry about. Soon as they lost the threat of nuclear war to worry about...this whole global warming farce popped up.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Links of Interest: I could put it down there!
Links brought to you by: Your melting heart.
I'm an oddity in that I preffer to land on a grass strip instead of the paved runway right next to it, but even I have quams about landing on a sand runway that depends on the tide! The World's 18 Strangest Airports
My father only put us through maybe 20% of these(site mild NSFW). Stupid Parents
Nice video of a C-130 refueling a couple hornets. They lowered the Herc's ramp and took the cameraman out. Hornets look close enough to clean the windows! Refueling Over Iraq via Neptunus Lex
The winter olympics event we could only dream off! Deadly Skiing commercial
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Things I think I think: February 24, 2010
1. I'm going to have to stop using Bing as my search engine because the daily pictures they put up is exponentially increasing the places I need to visit in person.
2. If Al Gore wanted me to really believe that the oceans were going to rise 20 or so feet like he says in his documentry...he wouldn't have bought a waterfront condo last year in San Fransico.
3. Olympic Skaters throwing around their pixie sized partners is high art. But if I toss one dwarf I'm a bad guy?
4. Why does Disney's Epcot center look like the evil layer of every Bond villan? What did Walt Disney have planed before his untimely death?
5. Come on, where is the "Snow Ball Fight" event in the winter olympics?
2. If Al Gore wanted me to really believe that the oceans were going to rise 20 or so feet like he says in his documentry...he wouldn't have bought a waterfront condo last year in San Fransico.
3. Olympic Skaters throwing around their pixie sized partners is high art. But if I toss one dwarf I'm a bad guy?
4. Why does Disney's Epcot center look like the evil layer of every Bond villan? What did Walt Disney have planed before his untimely death?
5. Come on, where is the "Snow Ball Fight" event in the winter olympics?
Monday, February 22, 2010
I'm not a God, but I play one at work.
Saw this pic on reddit awhile ago with the headline "Where is your god now?". Apparently all it takes to posses god like powers in the eyes of the masses is a basic education in engineering. I mean raise your hand if the first thing you ran through your mind when you saw this picture was not amazement, or "that's photo-shopped"...but to do a simple force diagram in your head and shrug.
I guess engineering is indistinguishable from magic to most liberal arts majors...I should probably use this to my advantage and just start doing engineering parlor tricks to draw in the apostles. All Jesus did was have a never ending basket of fish...I can make shite levitate!
In all seriousness I should probably sub for a grade school class and spend the day teaching kids tricks like this and tell them to go home and show mommy and daddy. Then just sit back and watch the calls come rolling into the school that I'm teaching their children witchcraft heh.
Engineers can do this with their mind!
I guess engineering is indistinguishable from magic to most liberal arts majors...I should probably use this to my advantage and just start doing engineering parlor tricks to draw in the apostles. All Jesus did was have a never ending basket of fish...I can make shite levitate!
In all seriousness I should probably sub for a grade school class and spend the day teaching kids tricks like this and tell them to go home and show mommy and daddy. Then just sit back and watch the calls come rolling into the school that I'm teaching their children witchcraft heh.
Procrastination
I've got writers block. Sitting on 65 drafts...at least 10 I should probably publish but just are not worded right. So this video is apt. The whole thing feels like it would fit right in with an adult version of Sesame Street.
Procrastination from Johnny Kelly on Vimeo.
video via
Procrastination from Johnny Kelly on Vimeo.
video via
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Lets Make a Deal
As an interested member of the hetrosexual community I would like to propose the following trade with my counterparts in the homosexual community.
We get to reclaim Ellen Degeneres and Queen Latifah, and in exchange you can have Angelina Jolie and a player to be named later.
For the "player to be named later"...if you took Megan Fox off our hands it would be greatly appreciated. We could even toss in Jennifer Aniston if you took Fox off our hands. Aniston and Jolie on the same team...I think every gossip mag on the planet would explode at the thought.
New Hotness(s)
We get to reclaim Ellen Degeneres and Queen Latifah, and in exchange you can have Angelina Jolie and a player to be named later.
"Old and Busted"
For the "player to be named later"...if you took Megan Fox off our hands it would be greatly appreciated. We could even toss in Jennifer Aniston if you took Fox off our hands. Aniston and Jolie on the same team...I think every gossip mag on the planet would explode at the thought.
F*ck the Boogieman
The Boogieman, the monsters trading off hiding under kids beds and closets, ghosts...All those can take a back seat to this guy in terms of scaring the crap out of me as a kid.
The Black Hole was during Disney's "dark period". There were no cute fast food tie-ins, no happy songs, just a quest to mess with kids minds....fricken sweet. Between the BH, The Black Cauldron, The Secret of NIMH, and Water Ship Down...it's a surprise every one in my generation isn't in therapy.
My god The Black Hole ended up with Maximilian presiding over a vision of hell that looks like it's right out of a Bosch painting. Disney...Kids....Hell....yeah.
Now Disney is jumping on the "re-imagining" bandwagon and is doing a remake of The Black Hole. Do not mess with my childhood memories(nightmares)! I just can't wait to see how they mess up Maximilian, and the great music...bah. Maximilian needs to make a call to some studio heads in the middle of the night like the ghost of Christmas future.
Maximilian refuses to be "re-imagined"
Hell, he still gives me the creeps. If I were to run into this guy in the dark with that disturbing red eye of his I would probably have a Depends worthy moment. If you weren't blessed with Maximilian inspired nightmares as a kid, then obviously you never saw The Black Hole.
My god The Black Hole ended up with Maximilian presiding over a vision of hell that looks like it's right out of a Bosch painting. Disney...Kids....Hell....yeah.
Now Disney is jumping on the "re-imagining" bandwagon and is doing a remake of The Black Hole. Do not mess with my childhood memories(nightmares)! I just can't wait to see how they mess up Maximilian, and the great music...bah. Maximilian needs to make a call to some studio heads in the middle of the night like the ghost of Christmas future.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Links: Brought to you by my crazy brother volunteering for flight deck duty.
Flight ops off the Philippines
Saw that The Shattner was going to be doing a TV show based on a Twitter feed, so I had to check it out. I hope I'm this cool when I'm old! Shitmydadsays
After honing myskills online, next family game is going to be cutthroat! Blokus
Nice photo essay of the Iwo Jima battle. I was hating on the flyboys at the begining...and that was when they showed the results of a bonzai charge on the airfield. Iwo Jima
Acid Cat: Been making the rounds the last two days, but I haven't seen anyone ask why the cat(aka killing machine) isn't hunting anything in it's acid trip! I mean there are turkeys, fish, even little chicks...no cat can pass that up! Friskies...when you need a hit.
Things I think I think: February 20, 2010
Apparently Disney characters(I'm looking at you Donald) are the paragon of mental health!
1. This picture just had to be the basis of someones senior thesis.
2. Someone needs to dress up as Pepe Le Pew and follow Tiger Woods from hole to hole. Come on Late Night...make this happen.
3. Honestly where are Bugs Bunny and Tweety Bird in the above graphic? Tweety Bird obviously has the psychological make-up of a serial killer, and Bugs Bunny...well he's just a dick.
4. Had Hudson out for a walk today. We come to some plowed up snow that reaches over my head...Hudson decides to climb it and then decides to leave a little present right there at the very top. So I had the surreal moment of waving at a gawking passing car as my dog made himself "king of the mountain" for all the world to see....and no...I wasn't climbing up there to pick it up. Couldn't take that away from him heh.
5. It's late Friday night and I've been studying for an exam all night...about the only thing that convinces me that this isn't some terrible nightmare were I've traveled back in time is the heating pad on my achy back...that never happened in my 20's.
Friday, February 19, 2010
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