Poor Nazi Monkey

As kids, we all loved the monkey in Raiders of the Lost Ark, my god...they had a PET MONKEY. But all that awe and goodwill vanished when he went and saluted the Fuhrer. Not only was he a traitor spy monkey, he was a Nazi! Where was Peta on this one? Maybe if they had trained him to smoke like other monkeys he could have found a niche in Hollywood, but going around saluting the Fuhrer? I don't think that would fly...and lets not even get into doing children's parties.


No, he probably lasted about a week in a zoo where he would salute the passing visitors in a desperate hope of a treat and a little love...but then toss his poo when they shook their heads in disgust and ignored him. People didn't pay him attention, the other monkeys knew he was a spy...No love for the little Nazi monkey.

You would like to think he ended up with a nice group of skin heads or Wahhabi Muslims so he could spend his days doing what he does best on countless YouTube videos...but I don't think this little guy got the "he's living on a farm" happy ending.

Shame what Spielberg did to ya. Sieg Heil little buddy....Sieg Heil.

(Cue fade out to Boyz to Men music)

The Case for the Empire

Wanted to try out quoting another article just as a template for the future, so I picked out this one I read almost 7 years ago(damn) in the Weekly Standard

"Lucas wants the Empire to stand for evil, so he tells us that the Emperor and Darth Vader have gone over to the Dark Side and dresses them in black.

But look closer. When Palpatine is still a senator, he says, "The Republic is not what it once was. The Senate is full of greedy, squabbling delegates. There is no interest in the common good." At one point he laments that "the bureaucrats are in charge now."

Palpatine believes that the political order must be manipulated to produce peace and stability. When he mutters, "There is no civility, there is only politics," we see that at heart, he's an esoteric Straussian.

Make no mistake, as emperor, Palpatine is a dictator--but a relatively benign one, like Pinochet. It's a dictatorship people can do business with. They collect taxes and patrol the skies. They try to stop organized crime (in the form of the smuggling rings run by the Hutts). The Empire has virtually no effect on the daily life of the average, law-abiding citizen."

Just think, in order to get control of the government, the Emperor only had to have a war so the people would be forced to embrace change...marginalize(kill) his only opposition for his vision of the governments power, and he was home free....where have I heard this before? Good thing Obama just had to give some flowery speeches devoid of meaning to win over the masses...he already had the war. Then he just ignores the opposition instead of killing them...good to be the king.

Hey if lefties can warp the movies into an anti Bush allegory...I can do the opposite...my kung foo is strong.

Things I think I think: January 12, 2010

1. They are actually making a big hollywood biography about Muhammad...were they will never show him on screen, just so they don't offend. Nothing says entertainment like 3 hours of silloets...maybe they can do them in 3D!...Dear God.

2. After seeing how radical Muslims reacted to just a simple cartoon of Muhammad...I wonder how they would react if anyone actually slipped and called out his name durring sex. Wait...most muslims are named Muhammad...kinky.

3. There are probably Jihadis searching for me right now because I've mispelled Muhammad at least twice now writing this....hopefully spell check saves me....hell Google probably has already sent them all my personal information just because I needed the spellcheck.

4. New fathers should be forced to look at redcarpet photos from the AVN(Adult Video N?) awards as a warning. Not my damn daughter!

Just slap that image on the cover of a parenting book with the title "Don't be that Dad".  NYT best seller.

5. Anyone else expect all the Keebler Elves to come crashing out of that big tree in Avatar when they blew it up?

"They Should Have Sent a Poet"

I'm flipping through google images looking for a good baby/dog picture for another post.  I come across this.

There are no words.  If I had to guess...this has Japanese written all over it.

I Wouldn't get in that water Either.

I know Engineers who don't have this much problem solving ability.

Things I think I think: January 10, 2010

1. Read recently that scientist are hypothising that there are millions of pounds of fish on Europa...first thing that pops into my mind is Japan going on a crash space program and shooting a bunch of "Bonzai!" screaming sushi chefs(wearing only loincloths) into space. They need something new and strange to eat.

2. "Shark Fin Soup" aren't sharks just a bunch of moving cartlage? Isn't that like Americans just tossing chicken cartledge into a soup and KFC charging 20 bucks a bowl?

3. So how long until Lindsey Lohans spirit is haunting some hollywood hotel room?...I just know that room is going to be plagued by unexplained episodes of the minibar being emptied, and unauthorized phone charges followed by random dealers knocking on the door in the middle of the night.

4. Do you think Dr. McCoy is always saying "Damnit I'm a doctor not an XXXX" just to rub it into everyone else that he's a doctor? I mean he's always on the bridge instead of his office doing his job. Probably looking for a pat on the back. Meanwhile Scotty the engineer keeps his ass down in the engine room saving everyone's ass.

5. China wants us to subsidize them to reduce their CO2 emissions. Fine, I want them to subsidize me because I had some chinese food for dinner and I'm hungry an hour later.

E.T made me do it!

Why hasn't anyone pulled the E.T defense in a DUI trial? Come on, an "I'm psychically connected to my drunk pet alien" defense couldn't possible fail!

Aside:  I would kill for a photoshop of E.T in a wifebeater as he chugges down that Coors.  Maybe a faux Cops webisode.  Comeon SNL you should be thinking of this shite!

Aside II:  What kind of message does this send kids?  Elliot gets drunk, gets the girl, becomes the hero of the school.  Way to go Spielberg!

(h/t to the Chewbacca Defense)