Things I think I think: January 31, 2010

1. I read with amusement all the Apple disciples getting all dreamy over the iPad reveal....honestly you would think they were tween girls going nuts over the latest prepubescent nonthreatening girly looking pop star. Then they mentioned that Jack Bauer is going to use one on this season of 24....the question is, who is he going to kill with it?

Jack Bauer should NOT be using any kind of Apple product besides a phone. When I think of Apple guys?...guys who have never had calluses on their hands, have no scars, and love to moisturize...life outside the Starbucks is hard!. Jack Bauer needs to be using something useful...he's running around killing, getting torchered, and saving the country for 24 hours straight...what does Jack need? An energy drink....24hrs hours of killing energy! Just think of the product placement possibilities! Jack could be pulling out an energy drink from his "Bauer Bag" every episode....maybe make a bomb out of the empty container or two.

The only problem I see is the possibility of Keifer Sutherland spiking his energy drink.

2. Winter survival tip: REALLY cold outside? Have to run to the store? Take a dog or two along....they and their body heat will keep the car warm while you are inside....trust me. Calories I feed them finally come in handy!

3. Pez, teaching kids to load gun magazines since 1927. Omg, I figured I would check this one on google...Pez pistols exist!...and yes, kids learn to put the barrel in their mouth and pull the trigger to get candy.

4. The fact that Blogger is run by Google....but I have to copy everything I write here....paste it over into a gmail so I can spell check it....then paste it back here, and then reformat it again? Google fail. Guess they are too busy collecting enough info on me to know when I make a call to nature.

5. A company is now making a pork based gun oil, with the motto "One Shot-One Soul" I'll let them elaborate.

HOW does SILVER BULLET GUN OIL work? SILVER BULLET GUN OIL CONTAINS 13% USDA LIQUEFIED PIG FAT. The PIG FAT is mixed with our blended, hi-grade WEAPONS OIL designed for use in ALL FIREARMS. The oil is applied to the inside of the barrel of any firearm or weapons system. When fired, BULLETS are coated with SILVER BULLET GUN OIL containing the PIG FAT. The PIG FAT is transferred to anything the BULLETS STRIKE. The coating of OIL CONTAINING PIG FAT effectively DENIES entry to Allah's Paradise to any Islamo-Fascist terrorist KIA with a bullet coming from a firearm using SILVER BULLET GUN OIL in the barrel. SILVER BULLET GUN OIL uses the belief system of Allah's Islamo-Fascist terrorists to put fear of death into them, a fear they haven't had until NOW.

So basically, your friendly neighborhood jihads can kill as many children as he wants and get his 72 virgins in heaven...but if he dies with a hot dog in his stomach? "Take Him to Detroit". Why do I think this will be much more of a deterrent than a billion dollar bomber? Yeah the Ivy Leaguers in the State Department will forbid it...but, it will make it into the field anyway.

6. You have no idea how much I loath Accounting at this point. From now on, when I meet someone that says they are an Accountant...automatic distrust/put them in the crazy category....because nobody could study this crap for years and stay sane. I like engineering, it's based on the laws on nature, the laws of common sense apply. Accounting is based on the laws of man, and law, yeah...common sense goes out the window. You wonder why the economy/government is f*cked.

7. What do you think the over/under is on the number of minutes Lady Gaga would last walking down the street in Gaza dressed up in one of her outfits? I'm going with 15.

Dedication: You Don't Succeed Without It!

This man will make more money his rookie year than you will in the next 20....because he's an athlete.

Can we get a special award from congress for those compression shorts going above and beyond?

Political Cartoon of the Day: January 27, 2010

I love political cartoons. They just boil down an idea to it's point without going into a long winded article. I was probably one of the few freshmen in college getting the WSJ delivered to my door every morning(I didn't even have to go outside!) and I would cut out the cartoons after I got done with the paper and plaster them around my room. So I figured I would start posting the ones that really made me laugh.

He wants to "freeze" only parts of the discretionary budget(he's exempted over 60% right off the bat)...and doesn't want to cut anything from a budget that grew 24% last year alone?  Wouldn't you take a 24% raise today and forgo one for 3 years like he's proposing?  BS

These Never Get Old

The money quote: "Bush got C's, Obama probably failed lunch"

Government Sponsered Stupid

Was just reading a recap of Obama's interview with Diane Sawyer...and this little snippet while talking about his proposeles to help middleclass families set me off a bit.

"Capping student federal loan payments to 10 percent of the student's income above a basic living allowance."

You know what that sounds like to me? Encouragement(bailout) to people that spend 8-10 years in college to get a doctorate in a subject(communications, literature, women's studies, phys ed...etc) who get out into the real world with a 100k in debt and realize the only job they can get is as a barista at Starbucks.

Obama wants to do the country good, he should be handing out 50% loan repayments to engineers, doctors, nurses, and technical degrees....oh and making law students pay 150%...we got too many of those already!

Aliens are Racists!

So the Aliens in Close Encounters of the Third Kind invite "ordinary" Americans to their top secret midnight picnic(Isn't this the begining of most serial killer movies?).  But did anyone notice what all of the invites had in common?

That's right...all white. Do they not like the Mexicans, blacks, and Chinese? But they have the best food! Come on, would you rather have Richard Dreyfus teaching you how to heat up hot dogs in a toaster oven on that long space flight...or Ms Wong cooking up a Chinese buffet?

Obviously these are aliens driven by ideology(i.e dangerous). They should have come down the ramp goose stepping!

Aside: I have to say Richard Dreyfus's characters play to dodge child support for the kids he abandoned has to be the greatest ever. Really, traveling with aliens? The whole 2nd half of the movie should have ended up being the explination of some lawyer he's(Dreyfus) not in court...then flashing to where he really is...Costa Rica.

Cultural Archeology

I present the origin of the "tramp stamp" tattoo.

Deep down, you know I'm right. Now if I could just figure out what invaded our cultural consciousness to give us the douche bicep "barb-wire" tattoo